Let's talk about arguments they suck nobody wants to be a part of an argument the problem is that the majority of the arguments that we have are based on a false premise they're based on a miscommunication or they are often based on a preconceived bias of a situation arguments are at their worst when you feel like you're not being heard in a situation which usually escalates a disagreement into an argument so today in this video let's talk about how we can maybe come to an easier way of understanding how to get through arguments together and maybe de-escalating them from arguments into discussions and yes the words that you use to call what the disagreement was are important because they will help inform the situation we are arguing is a lot different than we're having a disagreement so the very first coping skill that I'd like to discuss when trying to de-escalate an argument is to ask the other person to sit down with you and calmly explain what it is that they are upset about or what the disagreement is about during this time you want to be attentive pay attention not but don't interrupt because it's important that this person walks away feeling like you heard them like they clearly knew what they wanted to say and they told you you waited until they were completely finished to offer your side and before you even get to your side of the disagreement or argument it's important to repeat back to them what they said and follow it up with did I get that right in other words you want them to understand that you completely comprehend the point that they were just trying to make what is an argument it's two sides two opposite opposing ideas of a conversation without spending 30 minutes on the idea of an argument I think that's a pretty quick and graceful way to explain what it is so you want to repeat their idea to make sure that you have it completely correct and that you are not miss communicating their idea and you will give your side of the story and ask them to do the same hey can you do me a favor just because I want to make this a productive conversation can you repeat back what you think I'm trying to say and have them do it 90 percent of the time this will immediately clear up whatever the argument is and it will very quickly deescalate into more of a conversation and I use the word deescalate because it's important to realize that emotions running high will not produce a good argument or conversation or whatever word you want to use it's important to understand that if you are emotionally invested or at least allowing your emotions to pour over into the discussion you're not going to have a productive discussion which leads me to my next point arguments and conversations do not need to be resolved during the first sit-down but we need to have good structure in place so that when you're discussing whatever is upsetting you you can look your partner or friend or whatever in the eye and say hey you know what I need a little time because right now I'm reaching an emotional peak and I realize that if we continue down this path of discussion I'm not going to be able to come to the table and be constructive because I am currently emotional I'm gonna take a step back I'm gonna get myself a glass of water we'll come back at this in a couple of hours when we both have had a breather and it's important to let the other person know that you are not avoiding the conversation but that currently you need a bit of a timeout so that you can go and like we said sort of deescalate your emotions and figure out exactly what you're trying to say that's another thing to consider here do you fully understand the point that you're trying to make is it perhaps that you are not being constructive or the other person is not being constructive because one or both of you isn't exactly sure why you're feeling what you're feeling or perhaps isn't exactly sure how to verbalize or put into words exactly how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way because often times and arguments we're not quite sure why we feel the way that we feel we just do it's a gut feeling so before you bring it to the table it's very important to examine why you feel that way otherwise when you go to an argument or a discussion that turns into an argument you're going to see that it's not going to be very productive and in fact it will be frustrating and after a while either you will lose patience with the other person or they'll lose patience with you because one of you hasn't figured out why you feel the way that you feel and what exactly is bothering you learning to have these sorts of conversations productively is paramount because so often we get into arguments and we walk away from arguments regretting things that we've done things that we've said the fact that we were perhaps a bit impulsive with our words or maybe we weren't even really sure why the hell we argued in the first place but above all it's extremely important to make sure that just because you aren't being heard you do not resort to disrespecting the other person because as soon as that happens productive conversation stops and you're no longer having a discussion to compromise you're just arguing to be right having honest conversations is important but giving in to anger fear these happen all the time and it's up to us to have better relationships better friendships better business partnerships whatever it might be and it starts with you listening to this video and actually trying to apply these ideas in your day to day life you're not always going to agree with what everybody says and I can think of no worse reason to sink down to the level of childishness when a conversation could turn out really good and really enlightening take some time to think about the way that you talk to others and you may be surprised as the stoic philosopher Seneca says where there is a human being there's an opportunity for kindness that's all I had for today if you found my suggestions helpful I'd be very grateful if you'd hit like please leave a comment below and tell me what topics you want me to cover in the future additionally,until next time......
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